Dispatches from the CAPY Multiverse Vol. 2

5 min readDec 16, 2020

Good News & Tidings from Grindstone Mountain by way of Toronto, Canada

Hank Hudson here again, this time with an ultra-turbo-extra special announcement: Grindstone is now available on Nintendo Switch! You can’t see me right now, but rest assured; I am gesticulating with wild-eyed zeal.

The Howling Wolf Inn

Hjellhole’s bastion of warmth, coziness, and stabbings.

Knfir, the Howling Wolf Inn’s gear master and blacksmith, sent me the following note and 20 grindstones. I spent those grindstones on a really good sandwich, so I guess that means I’m obligated to run this as an advertisement.

Knifr here! Listen, I know you all like your “digital goods’’ or whatever, but if you’re a collector of fine weapons and collectible artifacts like I am, then do I have the deal for you!
Iam8bit and CAPY teamed up to bring collectors a special physical edition of Grindstone on Nintendo Switch! Which includes cover art by Nuri Durr, as well as a coloring-book style reversible cover. There’s some Creep-guts-themed crayons, as well! (Don’t worry; they’re unethically sourced.)
You can also get double-vinyl LP of the Grindstone OST, featuring even more art by Nuri Durr, a coloring-book style Grindstone “Family Polaroids” poster, and yep, those Creep crayons!
All of these treasures are available to pre-order today!

Products may contain creep guts; not intended for consumption.

P.S. Hope the 40 grindstones cover the cost of the ad, Hudson.

Wait, 40? Anyways, there was also a post-script included from Gladjys, the notorious Grindstone Mountain thief. Odd! It just said:

Please bring expensive things with you when you come visit.

Uh, you’ll want to keep your eyes on that one, stonegrinder.

Stonegrinder Profile: Jorj

Of course, there was nobody else I wanted to interview more than the man himself, the stonegrinder of the hour, the most for-he’s-a-jolly-good-fellow man around, Jorj!

“Hymmpf.”

Eloquent. Man of little words and much muscles. A true inspiration.

The Daily Grind Shrjine

Jjertrude, the ever-patient patron of the Daily Grind Shrjine, refused to comment on this piece. Instead, I got her automatic reply.

Leave me alone. — Jjertrude the Jjlorious

I wouldn’t be the intrepid reporter that I am if I gave up just like that. So I tried again. Jjertrude updated her automatic reply.

Hudson, I need some “me” time. Seriously. Leave me alone. — Jjertrude the Slightly Annoyed

I will not be ignored! So I tried again! And got another updated automatic reply.

Hank Hudson, if you interrupt my mud bath one more time with your silly interview requests, I’m going to make a piñata of you and throw you into a toddler Creep birthday party. Do you understand me? — Jjertrude the Seriously Not Joking

I will not be ignored, but I will be extremely intimidated by an introverted woman who has the Old Gods on her side. So I gave up.

Out on the Mountain

You know, Creeps, while vicious and dangerous, are an important part of the Grindstone ecosystem! They eat the grindstones that the stonegrinders liberate from their putrid intestines!

So, given that, I thought the Creeps on the mountain might also have something to share to mark the occasion. I was right! Kinda. I got this comment from a yellow creep I found roaming one of the lower slopes:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I … think that’s excitement!

Helgä’s Slöp Höuse

A special new place just opened up in HjellHjole, the charming little town at the base of Grindstone Mountain. It’s Helgä’s Slöp Höuse, a non-FDA approved restaurant. Helgä said:

Want to make a snack to make the Mystic appear? Okay, okay, here’s what you need to know. You’ll need some Creep eyes, some Jerk toes, a few entrails (store-bought is fine), and a little bit of my own special toe fungus (don’t worry, I ship, this recipe is designed to be made in your own kitchen or toilet bowl!)

High viscosity comes from high quality guts!

Mix all of that together. It won’t want to combine, but no worries, a little bit of your own spit will get it nice and tacky. Then just mash it together real hard (warning: it will get very hot, but don’t stop mashing it together! The heat helps the guts emulsify). Once it gets too hot to touch it should make a nice little paste. Mix some milk in there (any milk, really, but if you can milk a Jerkameleon, great! But if you can’t, well, a non-perfect Mystic Milk Tea is better than a non-existent Mystic Milk Tea).
Then voila! Throw in some Creep eyes, get a straw big enough to slurp ’em up, and once the dizziness passes and the intestinal cramping subsides, you’ll be instantly transported into the Mystic’s realm!